I hope this post isn't too depressing. I just feel like being honest. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I feel sad and not altogether great. I know, what a surprise. I'm sure there are other women out there that can relate to just wanting to have a good cry to feel better. I was just washing bottles for tomorrow morning and I had this very lonely feeling come over me. Now this could be caused by either female hormones or not enough sleep. I stood there washing bottles wondering what's wrong with me? Why am I crying? My next thought was, I'm tired. I've had a long day with the kids, taking care of the house, making dinner, and getting Mack back and forth from preschool. Not to mention the girls and all they need. I'm not complaining I guess I'm just writing my feelings, and I guess I'm getting brave enough to share them with all my friends. It isn't that I don't love being a mother. I love those sweet little faces when they crawl up into my lap and try to grab my earrings or want me to hold their little fat hand as I help them walk around the room. I get lost in the smell of their hair and their huge gummy grins when I make them smile. Those moments are beautiful. I guess sometimes you just get tired and you need to cry, and then your right back to folding laundry and wiping noses and taking diapers to the trash. Well here are my thoughts for today. I hope they weren't too sad to read. Maybe tomorrow I won't be so tired?
7 comments:
Hey katrina,
I think you are saying what a lot of moms want to say but don't kow how. Just becuase it's hard sometimes and sleep, hormones, exhustion, and lonliness get the best of you, it doesn't mean you don't love your kids or you'd rather be some kind of executive (you'd probably cry then too from stress). Tomorrow can be better. I'm glad you posted this. Sometimes I'm just like you finding myself somewhere average when it all hits and I have a cry. I miss you. IF we still lived in family housing we could close the door to the apartment,let the 5 kids go crazy and talk about fun stuff.
Sending Hugs your way. I totally had one of those days on Monday. Timmy and his allergies were getting me down and I just cried and cried. UGGH. I did feel better afterward though:-). This mom thing is hard, and I can imagine having 2 busy babies and all the work they bring with them. It is fun, but it is hard too. Do you remember Elder Ballard's talk from the April Conference. I love it. When I have days like that I try to remember what he said. I especially love that he gave permission to find time for myself-- for some reason I need permission :-). Here is the quote "Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it."
Hang in there, and we should do a play date sometime. Isabelle has school in the afternoon, and sometimes on Friday-- or we could just do dinner again. I keep thinking about it. I think it is time. :-)
I was at the grocery store last night (second trip of the day) and I ran into a friend from church. She stopped me and mentioned that I looked weary. I cried right then and there. I think the physical and emotional investments to being a mom are huge and exhausting, even on the good days. Thanks for sharing your feelings, it helps the rest of us realize that we are normal too. I hope that the good cry helped.
Life is definatly exhausting. I think whats difficult with being a mom is that we NEVER get a break. Our hubbies come home from work & don't have to think about it until the next day but our worry & responsibilities never get a break. It is an overwelming thought. I remember when Jaden was born & how overwelming the feeling was that I always needed to think about him & was worried I'd forget I had a little one.
Hang in there. I know so many feel the same way. Sometimes I ask Chris if he'll bathe the kids just for one night so that I can do something different even if it's cleaning the kitchen. The same routine just gets a little boring:)
We miss you guys & let me know if there is anything I can do.
I'm guessing that ALL moms feel that way at one point or another, or all the time. It definately gets overwhelming sometimes. But I agree that then you see their sweet little smiles and they cuddle in- you know it's all worth it. Zach is a poor sleeper, and one day when I was feeling sorry for myself about it I saw something on a blog that has changed my perspective a bit. I can't remember exactly, but it was something about how quickly they grow up and she felt so lucky to be rocking and singing her baby to sleep every night and having those tender moments. It's helped me to remember to enjoy every little moment we have with our kids. Or at least try to. Sometimes a good cry is just what we need to keep going! Thanks for sharing.
I could sign my name to the bottom...as you did a great job of typing my feelings for me. May we be filled with rest, energy and patience to keep being MOM.
Sending love your way! Hope to get to see you guys in Feb....
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